had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
