I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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