Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
