her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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