O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
