How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
