we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
