I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
