Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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