How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
