I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My ass is underappreciated
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
