Betty ford says i'm here all night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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