if you like me you must not know who I am
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
sex in a hospital.. check
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
