Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
