you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
