My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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