Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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