Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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