I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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