If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
