i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
