At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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