I wish I could teleport
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i think i just lost a toe
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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