Well douche your snatch and let's go!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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