so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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