he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
