What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
