The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
