If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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