I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
