there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He better not be in your backpack
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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