First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
