Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
