that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
