I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
