Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So. Much. Porn.
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