can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
