i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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