Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
