I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
