My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
