Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
