I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
