I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
