Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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