Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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