im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
