We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
