I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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