We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
