it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
