He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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