he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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