She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
