you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
