No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your cock deserves a montage
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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